Being a Mom

Tonight, as I was putting Blythe to bed, she asked me to tell her a story of my childhood.  I get that pretty much every time I help Blythe get to sleep.  I need to look through pictures of my childhood so I can remember stories to tell her.  After the story (about all the stuffed animals I used to have--she has 42), she asked, "Mom, what's it like to be a mom?"

More deep thoughts from our intense little girl.

What is it like to be a mom?  It's hard and it's wonderful.  Speaking for myself, it's hard because my children are demanding and needy and frequently impatient.  They require a tremendous energetic output.  I worry about them, now and for their futures.  They bring out all my imperfections; all that isn't good in me seems to come out as they drive me crazy.  They are messy and dirty and sometimes do super disgusting things that gross me out.  One of them in particular pushes boundaries practically everyday in an effort to establish for herself themself a place of power.  They argue, they are loud, and they require regular food and water.  The maintenance is sometimes overwhelming.  I am required to teach them life skills, help them develop their talents, and send them out into the world capable, responsible, contributing people.  And most of all, I need to teach them the gospel and set as good an example as I can of righteous living so they see in our home all that can be theirs if they embrace our Heavenly Father's plan.

It's just so much.  So, so much.

But then there are the wonderful moments.  Having Brandt and Blythe come to me and hug me and tell me that they love me.  Seeing them play imaginatively together, and being together as a family of more than just two.  Curling up next to their little warm bodies and reading together.  Hearing my children laugh.  Seeing them help each other or others.  Seeing the people they will become emerge from their child-ness.  The joy I feel when I know my children have felt the Spirit and want to be better.  Small moments of parenting success, like when I ask them to do something and they jump up and do it, first time I've asked, no complaint, just cheerful willingness.  Seeing my children succeed and seeing them celebrate when others have too.  Bearing testimony to and having gospel discussions with Brandt and Blythe.  Seeing untaintedly through their eyes.  Rejoicing as they learn a new skill.  Watching them be kind.

All those moments make the hard times worth it.  I told Blythe that Kent and I were very happy together when it was just the two of us.  Our life was companionable, cheerful, and much tidier than it is now.  But when Brandt came, and then Blythe, our lives became better.  So much was missing we didn't even know could have been there.  It has gotten harder, but it has become richer and fuller too.

And after I said all that, I asked if that had answered her question.
She didn't respond.
She had fallen asleep.

Post edit addition.  Today, Sunday, the day after this talk with Blythe, we had a lesson in Relief Society about women.  We discussed Elder Holland's talk from October 2015 Conference entitled "Behold Thy Mother."  He quotes from a letter written to him.

How is it that a human being can love a child so deeply that you willingly give up a major portion of your freedom for it?  How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety, and heartache and just keep coming back for more of the same?  What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever your own again?  Maternal love has to be divine.  There is no other explanation for it.  What mothers do is an essential element of Christ's work.  Knowing that should be enough to tell us the impact of such love will range between unbearable and transcendent, over and over again, until with the salvation of the very last child on earth, we can then say with Jesus, 'Father! I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.'

I think this eloquently sums up what I see being a mom is like.  Elder Holland concludes his talk by saying:

To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle--and all will--I say, "Be peaceful.  Believe in God and yourself.  You are doing better than you think you are.  In fact, you are saviors on Mouth Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love 'never faileth.'"  

Those are beautiful, encouraging words from an apostle of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and I certainly desire to do better and be better because of them.