Feeling God's Love

We've been going through a rough patch the last month or so.  There has been great turmoil at work, and Kent has brought that turmoil home, causing unrest, conflict, and discomfort here.  It has been awful for him; he's been disrespected, accused of actions and responses that are completely fabricated, and made to feel that his eighteen year contribution to the growth of the company has been insignificant.  It's been bad.  We have worried that he was going to be fired, or that it was going to become so untenable that he would quit. 

Several weeks ago, when the unrest was at its peak, Kent told me he was thinking of quitting.  But, he said, if worst comes to worst, I could always get a job.  While this is absolutely true, I don't want to go back to work.  I've been out of the workforce for twenty years--TWENTY!!--and the idea of putting myself out there again is very nerve-racking.  It's not that I've been convinced that I'd never work again, but more that I figured I would get a little part-time job when the kids were gone and I needed something to do with myself. 

We had an emotional discussion on Thursday morning, just prior to me going to the temple.  I went very distraught, feeling that my comfortable, predictable, happy existence was coming to a sudden end.  That sounds far more dramatic than it actually was, but I was upset.  As I sat through the endowment session, I wept off and on, trying to compose myself and get control of my emotions.  I had been praying for direction and some indication that God knew what was going on.  During the group prayer, the brother who was praying asked Heavenly Father to let those of us who were in the session might be filled with faith and hope.  As he said those words, my soul was filled with a sense of calm and peace, the assurance that God knows all that is happening, that He loves us, and that I need to be faithful and hopeful.  In my mind, I saw it as faith-FULL, and hope-FULL.  As I sat in the Celestial Room at the end of the session, I looked at the large picture of Christ with his hands out, inviting me to come to Him, to remember his love, and to put my trust in Him. 

We still don't know how everything will play out.  We're several weeks past that incredibly stressful time, but all is not resolved.  We are not sure how long Kent will continue to work or if he'll be forced out.  We don't know what the future holds.  But though we can't see what's coming, we know that God loves us, that we love each other, and that we can rely on direction from the Spirit to help us through life's challenges.  This brings a great measure of peace and reassurance.