The Barri (more than one Barrus): Emma Gene Richards Hare

A note about this post. I use this blog primarily as our family history. I am happy that family and friends read it and know what is happening in our lives, but my intent is not to be writing to a large audience. This post in particular is mostly for my own benefit, as a record of this day. It is long, and so feel free, if you are a casual reader, to just skip over it.

Emma Gene Richards Hare

March 18, 1923-February 8, 2011

Today was Grandma Hare's funeral. The day started off rough for me. The children were contrary, unwilling to get ready, giving me a hard time, and being defiant. What a change from the norm. I was feeling very frustrated and somewhat emotionally distraught, but I sat down with them and very calmly explained what was happening today. It was a special day. We were going to go together as a family to be with other family members, and remember Grandma. I was going to talk about her, we were going to go the cemetery, and we were going to gather together and share a meal. I needed them to be dressed in good clothes, to cooperate, and to be well behaved during the funeral. They both said okay and were great the rest of the day. They were quiet during the service, they didn't wander too far at the cemetery, and they actually ate lunch. I thanked them for being so good to which Brandt replied, "You're welcome."

The day was really beautiful. Grandma, who had look horrible when I last saw her, looked pretty good for a dead person. Her hands, especially, were lovely. Many people we know came to the viewing and the funeral. My friend, Christine Baird, came to the funeral. She didn't know Grandma, she knows no one else in my family, but she knows me and loves me, and her attendance was such a sweet act of friendship and love. Many others came, too, but I was especially touched because Christine came for me, and only me.

My dad gave the family prayer. My dad is a big, gruff looking guy, but he has such a soft heart. He gave a beautiful prayer. I was very moved by his expressions of love, faith, and belief. I have been strengthened by my father's example and spirit, not just today, but many times in the past. I have seen his desire to be more spiritually minded, and have felt to make improvements in relationship with God as a result of his example. He was very tender today, which for any man can be a scary thing. I am grateful for him.

The service was wonderful. I was privileged to be able to speak with my cousins Kristen Dalzen and KateLyn Hare. We each read a portion of Grandma's personal history and then shared our own thoughts about her. As this blog serves as our family history, I am going to include my portion of Grandma's history as well as my comments.

From Grandma's history.
"After graduation (from high school) I was employed by Ben. E. Nordman as a legal secretary and since that time I have worked in the legal field in Ventura County. On March 30, 1981, I retired from the law firm of Heily, Blase, Ellison & Wellcome where I had been employed for 28 1/2 years as office manager and probate and trial paralegal." At the funeral was a faux "diploma" of sorts that those she worked for at the law firm awarded her. It conferred upon her rights and privileges of a lawyer, including the title "Esquiress."

"I married Leroy Hare in 1943, have produced one son and two daughters, and divorced in 1970. I have not remarried. I thoroughly enjoy my independence and as I have been fortunate to work with intelligent, fascinating men, I have not missed male companionship. Presently, I am in love with Carl Sagan!" I love this statement. Grandma never met Carl Sagan.

"As a result of being liberated (as though she had been a prisoner of war or something), I have traveled extensively. I have been to England twice; to Greece twice; cruised with the Sixth Fleet in the Mediterranean. I have made the Love Boat trip to Mexico as well as the conventional one by plane stopping at Guadalajarra and Mexico City. I have been to Munich for Oktoberfest and have traveled to Switzerland and Austria. I have fortunate to see autumn in New England and then board the Blue Nose for Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and then to go Quebec. I hope to go to China next year." She didn't ever make it to China.

"I now live in Provo, Utah with my children, 21 grandchildren, and 23 great-grandchildren."

And now my comments.

When I was young and Grandma still lived in California, I loved visiting her. She had a magical house. There was a spooky orchard I could romp around in, fancy gowns and jewelry I could dress up in, lovely goblets she would let me drink orange and grape soda out of, and an apartment above the garage where I would play house with my brothers and cousins.

After she moved to Provo and I was able to spend considerably more time with her, I came to realize that it was really Grandma who was magical. Last year, on her birthday, I wrote of her, “Grandma was fiery, opinionated, active, and dynamic. She entertained lavishly (my father says she threw great party), cooked wonderfully, and made things happen. She had a somewhat racy past I always wanted to hear about in great detail. She had a good, sincere, and generous heart. She encouraged and supported those she loved, and I palpably felt her love and concern for me. She never did things by halves, but threw herself into projects and continued to work to learn and improve herself late into her life.”

Here are a couple of examples:

I have always believed that I was Grandma’s favorite grandchild, but I’m pretty sure any one of my siblings or cousins would argue that they were Grandma’s favorite. She was so accepting and loving, and while she might reprove a bit with sharpness sometimes, she always expressed her love and I always felt valued by her.

Grandma was adamant about most things, and as Kent described her, a crusader. She recognized when things needed to be done and would do them. While she lived at Marrcrest, she had a stint as the HOA president. There is a pond and there were ducks at Marrcrest, and Grandma liked them. She used to pay my brothers to throw rocks at the seagulls to keep them from getting the duck eggs. This plan sort of backfired, but Grandma took care of it. Some time later, she paid my brothers and a couple of their buddies to come round up the ducks and relocate them because the duck population had grown too large. I want you to just think for a moment about how duck capture might have gone.

Grandma was a force to be reckoned with. At the wedding of one of my cousins, we were outside and although it was sunny, it was windy. She didn’t like the idea of wind at a wedding, so she went to Tom and said, “Tom, we need to do something about this wind. Say a prayer that it will die down so we can enjoy the day.” Tom prayed, the wind abated, and the wedding went on with no further disturbance, as per Grandma’s wishes.

I read about her travels. Grandma had an adventurous spirit. Each year on Memorial Day, we make a pilgrimage to Eureka to the grave of her parents. In addition, we always drive around the mountain to Mammoth, where she was born. Grandma would tell us about the city, as it was when she lived there, and about family and friends and life in a mining town. She hailed from such a small, remote place, and yet she had a passion for travel and adventure.

I traveled with Grandma on many occasions, and every trip was wonderful. We saw interesting things, we ate yummy food, and we laughed and laughed. When I was on study abroad in London, Grandma and my mom came to be with me for about 10 days. I found them a hotel near where I lived. Their room was about the size of your average dining room table. Although it was hard to move around in, especially for two people, Grandma did not complain, she just laughed. I had spent a great day in Cambridge some months before they came and I wanted to show them the city. We left London under a bright sunny sky, but the closer we got to Cambridge, the foggier it got. By the time we arrived, you couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of you. We got off the train and immediately bought souvenir sweatshirts because it was so cold, then hoped a tour bus to see the city. All we saw was English fog. In spite of the day being a big disappointment and something of a waste in the grand scheme of time in England, again Grandma just laughed and enjoyed the time we had to be together.

She never lost that desire to go. When her sister Beth was still alive, they would hop in the car and drive. No real destination in mind, just drive, like to Tooele from Eureka. Not such a direct route. I always felt that Subaru should make commercials called, “Adventures with Genie and Beth.”

These past few years, it has been hard to lose Grandma. Her mental decline rendered her a different person. I have missed making cookies and wedding cakes with her, helping with projects, and learning from her wit and wisdom. I will continue to miss her. However, I know that the vibrant, fiery spirit of Grandma lives on. She is well and happy, and I am certain she is watching over us now as she did during her life. I am extraordinarily grateful for the life she lived and the legacy she left. I know a part of her resides in me and I will do my best to be the same sort of good person that she was.

In addition to the three granddaughters that spoke, my mom, my Aunt Georgianne, and my Uncle Tom also spoke. We had a lovely piano medley of Primary songs about mothers, and Michael Phillips (now in my ward but used to be in Grandma's) sang Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing. The singing was also very moving. Mike sang beautifully, and the message of that song is so powerful. "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord. Take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above." It was a wonderful addition to the service. The bishop spoke very briefly (he didn't know Grandma), and the Stake President concluded. He was Grandma's neighbor and her home teacher.

My mom's comments were very touching to me too. She spoke of Grandma's love for and sensitivity towards others; family, friends, and strangers. She spoke of Grandma's efforts in family history. While she was still inactive, Grandma got involved in family history. She set about identifying all her cousins whose temple work had not been done, and then made sure those of us who were endowed got it done. She was relentless. When it was all done, when all her cousins' work had been completed, Grandma realized that she alone of all her grandparents' grandchildren was not endowed and thus not sealed. She didn't want to be left out, so she made changes, became active and worthy to go to the temple, and then did.

Grandma felt that there were others, too, dear to her heart, who needed their temple work done. She made sure that work was commenced too. Last year, when Grandma was already lost to us mentally, her dear friend Mary Tash died. My mother was able to do her temple work just recently. Mom expressed how happy she was knowing that not only family but all those dear friends Grandma saw as family were there to greet her as she passed through the veil. What a wonderful reunion they must have had.

On this day of joy and gladness (which we sang as the closing song), I am glad for my testimony of the plan of salvation, the plan of happiness. I know our lives began long before we came to Earth, and that they will continue long after we leave this mortal existence. I know Grandma is in a wonderful place, and that if I live worthily, I will join her. I know that I am part of an eternal family. I am grateful to be sealed to Kent and our children. I am grateful we are both sealed to our parents and siblings. As I have watched my parents navigate their challenges, I have been touched by their diligence, faithfulness, and hope that comes through the gospel. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and provided the way, through His son, Jesus Christ, for us to return to live with Him. I have felt the Comforter this past week and know I will see Grandma again.

I had meant to take pictures at the funeral/viewing/luncheon, and then I didn't really get the camera out. I thought it would be nice to have a picture of all the grandchildren together, as only two of us were not there, but then there was not a moment when we were all together except during the actual funeral, so that didn't happen. I thought it would be nice to have a picture of all the great-grandchildren who were there too, but again, it didn't work. But here are a couple.

One of many beautiful floral arrangements the family received.

One to two large posters of photos of Grandma.

My mom Sue, Uncle Tom, and Aunt Georgianne, Grandma's children.

It was pretty easy to gather these three.

On Monday evening, we had an open house at Georgianne's house. It was a gathering that took the place of a viewing (which we did have before the funeral), and was a bit less formal. Grandma made wedding cakes for family and ward members and I would help her. She would make the cake and I would decorate. In her honor, I made the wedding cake. In addition, she had made chocolate heart cookies for various occasions, and so my cousins made those (appropriate for Valentine's Day). We served cake and cookies to those who came. We had a marvelous turn out. There were probably close to 70 people who were there, and it was fun to reminisce about Grandma and her life and influence on each of us.