When There Is No Father

Before Kent and I had children, I was asked several times on Mother's Day if I felt bad that everyone was celebrating mothers, but I wasn't one.  I never really felt badly as I have a mother and a mother-in-law, both of whom are wonderful and both of whom I love.  


On this Father's Day, however, I have had a hard time celebrating, even though I have an extraordinary husband who is an exceptional father (definitely worth celebrating) and a great father-in-law.  Thing is, I don't have my father anymore, and it stinks.  I made a yummy breakfast for Kent, but I cried as I turned the sausage because my dad really liked sausage.  I cried during sacrament meeting as the youth speaker talked about how great her dad was and how grateful she was for him because I think my dad is great and I am grateful for him too.  And I cried when I called my mom to tell her that though we were doing nothing as a family to mark this day as special, I knew it was Father's Day and I was sad.

My sister-in-law's father died last week.  Tomorrow is his funeral.  I saw Sharon today and asked how she is doing.  She is alright and feels like the Spirit is carrying her through this difficult time.  I felt that too in the days immediately after my dad's death and through his funeral.  But then the regular days return, life goes on, and the missing starts in earnest.

So on this first Father's Day without my father, I am grateful for all the good things my father taught me, for his example, his kindness to others, and his sense of humor that still makes me laugh, even in his absence.  I am grateful to know I will see him again, even as I miss him and long for a big bear hug from him.  I am grateful, too, that I have Kent who does so much for me and for our family.  He gets a gold star (or two or three) in my book, and I certainly celebrate him.