March Thoughts

It's raining outside.  I love the smell of desert rain.  It smells so fresh, so renewing, so life-giving.  The weather the past week or so has been wonderful and we have been outside all the time.  I have not been able to keep the children inside, but I haven't wanted to be in either, so I certainly am not complaining.  The house stays so much cleaner when we are outside too.

I have found myself not blogging of late.  Perhaps it is because I have been outside all day, so nothing gets done, leaving a long list each evening of things I need to do.  And then maybe not.  I have been in a pensive mood, worried and anxious about several things, and so a bit preoccupied mentally.

March is the month of my grandmothers' birthdays.  Grandma Barnes was born on the 8th, and Grandma Hare on the 18th.  As I have just lost Grandma Hare, I have been thinking about both of them a lot.  I hail from strong women who each faced tremendous challenges in their lives.  I believe they both handled those challenges with grace and strength and I am grateful for their examples.  I admire them, and I miss them.

March brings the promise of spring.  While out walking with the children today, we saw several signs of spring--fat buds on trees, and bulb flowers poking out of the ground.  I helped Merlynn (my mother-in-law) rake up dead leaves left from the fall and uncovered several spots where greenery was poking out.  It felt so good to be clearing out the dead and unearthing the new.  I think I need to do that with several aspects of my life.  I need to get rid of the unproductive to make room for new growth, and what better time to start than now?

Kent and I are looking for a new home.  It is finally time in the grand scheme of our lives, to buy a house.  I do not like this process.  I love the thought of having our own home, but we are picky.  I have waited so long, I want something that both meets our needs and fulfills my wants.  I don't know if we are going to find an existing home that will do, but I'm not sure we can convince ourselves to build what we do want when building costs are so much greater than the cost of preexisting homes.  It has taken us so long to work up enough gumption to move house and feel financially ready (well, for Kent to feel financially ready), that I don't want to buy something that we can make work when it isn't really what we want.  It weighs on me somewhat.

My dad has also been in the hospital for a month (exactly) with complications following surgery.  There have been moments during the past few weeks where we have thought we would lose him.  I have been very anxious about him, and unable to do anything except pray, which I have been doing almost constantly.  He is always on my mind.  He has been in Salt Lake, making frequent visits difficult.  I have felt a tremendous amount of love from people who know me and my family, and who have offered great support.  Even friends who know me and not my dad have been so kind, praying for him and me.  I have been touched by the kindness of others and feel so blessed to have a strong support group.  Dad was just transfered tonight to a long term acute care hospital in Provo which puts him much closer to all of us.  We will be able to be with him more, and hopefully that will boost his spirits and help him get better quicker.

So March continues, and life marches on.  I feel a need to get out of myself more, do more for others, and think less of what is bothering me.  I need to clear out the dead to make room for new growth, and I'm going to try and start right away.  Well, tomorrow anyway.  It is a bit late in the day for doing much right now, other than catching up with the blog.