Consistent and Resilient Trust

Today, while doing some blogging, a found a quote a neighbor and friend, Natalie Bean, shared during a Sunday School meeting. I absolutely loved the quote and asked her the reference and. It was from an October 2019 General Conference talk by Elder L. Todd Budge. In his talk, "Consistent and Resilient Trust," he spoke about trusting in the Lord. 

In a paradoxical way, afflictions and sorrow prepare us to experience joy if we will trust in the Lord and His plan for us. This truth is beautifully expressed by a 13th-century poet (Jalalu'ddin Rumi): “Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”

President Russell M. Nelson taught, “The joy the Savior offers [us] … is constant, assuring us that our ‘afflictions shall be but a small moment’ [Doctrine and Covenants 121:7] and be consecrated to our gain.” Our trials and afflictions can make space for greater joy.

The good news of the gospel is not the promise of a life free of sorrow and tribulation but a life full of purpose and meaning—a life where our sorrows and afflictions can be “swallowed up in the joy of Christ.” The Savior declared, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” His gospel is a message of hope. Sorrow coupled with hope in Jesus Christ holds the promise of enduring joy.

This is quite timely. This week I suffered a crushing disappointment. I had applied for a job I really, really wanted, made it to the last interview, was one of three people to meet with the final selection committee, and I didn't get the job. This rejection has stirred up feelings of anger, resentment, dispair, sorrow and hopelessness. I cried and cried the night I was told I didn't get the job and still, three days later, have a hard time holding back the tears as I think about it. I'm blessed to have a job and to be connected with people at work, but I was hoping for something better. I've been praying for something better for a long time and it hasn't happened. That 13th-century poet says, "Whatever sorrow shakes your heart, far better things will take their place." I'm not sure I believe him. 

Elder Budge talks about the Jaredites who had to place all their trust in God as they journeyed across the ocean to the Promised Land. They were reliant on Heavenly Father to see them safely across the great deep. I know I need to do the same, but I'm feeling as though Heavenly Father is allowing me to suffer the consequences of poor choices made throughout my life. They have not been bad choices, but apparently, they were not the right ones. It's not so much that God has abandoned me, He is just letting me live with my mistakes. 

Elder Budge says, "As difficult as it is to understand, especially at the times in our lives when the headwinds are strong and the seas are turbulent, we can take comfort in knowing that God in His infinite goodness is always blowing us toward home.

I testify that as we commend ourselves unto the Lord and consistently and resiliently trust in Jesus Christ and His divine purposes in our lives, He will visit us with assurances, speak peace to our souls, and cause us to 'hope for our deliverance in him.'"

I'm finding it more and more difficult to have consistent and resilient trust in Jesus Christ's ability to change my life, now. I know, in the end, Christ will be my Savior and through him, I will be able to return to my Heavenly Father. For now, I'm feeling fairly lost and alone. I need his assurances; I need him to speak peace to my soul.