30 Years

How does a person adequately sum up thirty years of marriage? Over the past three decades, we have had some really good times together, and we've really struggled. The last seven years in particular have been very hard. It has been dark, and I've wondered if we were going to make it. I've wondered if we even wanted to make it. Parenting challenges, financial issues, marital discord have made me ask myself why we continued when it was just so miserable. I have keenly felt my imperfection, inability, and deficiencies in many important areas of my life. And I have felt that Kent's and my differences were driving us apart. 

All those feelings have made our past several anniversaries celebrations of endurance rather than rejoicings in our union. I have found myself lowering my expectations about what success in marriage looks like as ours has become less than I hoped. 

But Kent and I are trying to make things better. We are going to counseling and discussing ways to give each other grace. We are having more open conversations about our feelings rather than ignoring issues (Kent) or bottling up anger (me). We are trying to look forward with hope that because we love each other, we can make our marriage better this year than it was last. We go to the temple together each week, we read scriptures and pray together daily, we go to concerts and plays, and we play pickleball practically every week. We serve each other and we are trying to find less fault and more good. And we are asking Heavenly Father to help us along the path of parenthood and partnering.

The picture above is not what I wanted for our anniversary picture. I wanted to be in New Zealand on a 30th anniversary trip. Isn't that where you go when you've been married 30 years? Then, when we didn't go, I hoped for a picture in our Sunday finery, looking happy as the winter sun shone down on us. That didn't happen either. Instead, we stood on the front porch in the dark to mark this milestone. Not what I had hoped for, but still something good. Like our marriage. 

Because today is Sunday, Kent and I went to dinner last night (Indian food!) and then came home and watched a new Wallace and Gromit movie, Vengeance Most Fowl. It was delightful. Today we did lots of Church stuff including choir practice and a stake young women's training for me. I made a delicious dinner for all of us, and we are happy to enjoy the blessings of the Gospel.